Chuck Norris Jokes (Add Your Own)

Chuck Norris loves his dog...One day his wife didn't notice that Chuck was outside and talked for hours with the dog telling it about her problems...
Chuck Norris looks like his dog which name is Chuck as well

 

Who is Chuck Norris? 0_o

 

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin, just another fist.

 

Chuck Norris is everyone and no one all at the same time.

 

Google doesnt ban Chuck Norris' adsense account, Chuck Norris bans google from the internet.

 

Chuck Norris Does not go to a barber. He just roundhouse kicks his hair until it comes off.


Shawn

 

Chuck Norris is faster than light speed, (186,247 miles per second).
Chuck Norris is also more powerful than an atomic bomb.

It works this way:-

Chuck Norris can be everywhere at once. Being able to be everywhere at once questions fixed ideas held that no thing, object, sub-atomic particle, and so on can move faster than light speed.

Chuck being able to be everywhere at once makes a fundamental change to Einstein’s theory of Relativity and more importantly, the equation

E=MC2

Where E is energy, M is Mass, and C2 is light speed squared.

With C a variable and in Chuck Maths and Chuck physics the equation is this;

C or light speed becomes ( C^x) [C or light speed raised to a power greater than it’s finite (186,000 miles per second) state and thus C is expressed as C^x where x is the factor greater than finite light speed or C multiplied and then squared the equation becomes

E=M(C^x)2

Therefore mass, the object, in this case Chuck Norris (M) being every where at once and faster than light speed produces an imbalance in E or energy produced.

So, working the equation backwards gives;

((C^x)2) X (M) = E^

This postulation gives the result of energy being itself greater then first calculated by Albert Einstein as a fixed result and the equation not taking into account the Chuck (or C as in light speed) variation to the energy produced which is actually more than the fixed value of E and becomes E^ or Energy raised to a power greater than it possesses.

Essentially the C or Chuck Norris variable in the equation means that Chuckie boy is more powerful than an atomic bomb and faster than light speed.

Study the equation and you will see that it does work. Perhaps I should have included the last variable "y" in the proposition

((C^x)2) X (M) = E^y where "y" is the power to which E (energy) will be raised by. The iniatiating factor, the key factor which drives the equation is that by being every where at once, Chuckie has achieved singularity. In mathematics, a singularity is in general a point at which a given mathematical object is not defined, or a point of an exceptional set where it fails to be well-behaved in some particular way, such as differentiability. By achieving a singularity Chuck, in being every where at once has exceeded light speed by an infinite degree. That variable introduced into the classic equation. E=MC2 and applied to C increased by an exponential factor makes the modified equation work.

QED.

 

Erm... just looking at that hurts my brain

 

sorry to dig up a slightly old post, but I love chuck norris jokes. one of the best sites I've found is www.chuck-norris-jokes.com It seems to be a pretty new site, but there's 10 pages of jokes and you can vote on each one if you like it.. pretty cool. seems like it has potential.

 

Chuck Norris punched Arizona thats why we have the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Norris can drink a soda with his mind.
Thunder is Chuck Norris snoring.
Chuck Norris doesnt need a gun to shoot people, he points his finger at someone and says bang!
Chuck Norris thinks eating nails is for pussies.
If Chuck Norris played baseball he would break the home run record on 1 pitch.
The earth is Chuck Norris's bitch.

(Some of these I got from websites)

 

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he pushes the world down.

 

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

 

Chuck Norris has had 5 babies. Each one of them...delicious.

Really? I heard that he was getting a laugh out of them and has even made commercials for various products based on these internet jokes.

 

The Chuck Norris Fan Club has a strict application test for Chuck Norris Fan Wannabee's:

Qualifications:
1) Must be able to perform minimum 200 roundhouse kicks at will.
2) Must be able to undo 2" Diameter bolts (with your teeth).
3) Must have the ability to kill (by just looking at people).
4) Must be able to appear in public with a 5 O'Clock shadow at any given time.
5) Must never outdo or outperform Chuck Norris either in person or in movies.
6) Must swear by the Chuck Norris Dictionary of Mind Stimuli.
7) Must wear high heeled boots EVERYWHERE!!
8) Must have a perfect set of teeth.
9) Must yearn to assist Chuck Norris to become the only 2012 Presidency Candidate.
10) Must love Chuck Norris at all times.

 

Chuck Norris Can kill 3 People From 1 Bullet

 

Hurricane Katrina was caused by Chuck Norris sighing.

 

In my eyes the ultimate chuck norris spell:

Chuck Norris has PR 11 websites
(but he didnt exchange links - i already asked )

 

When you reach your 10,000,000,000th post you become a Chuck Norris

 

He answered you with a round house kick in the face?

 

The only reason Rambo can take on whole armies by himself is because Chuck Norris accidently sneezed on him once

Chuck Norris created the world he just let God take the credit

there is no such thing as a heart attack it's just chuck norris roundhouse kicking you in the chest and dissapearing before you even know what has happened

there is no such thing as global warming because chuck norris said so

Chuck Norris once clogged the toilet before he even wiped, yes thats right he clogged it with his shit alone

steroids was created when you mix water and Chuck Norris' sweat

The world doesnt end in 2012 Chuck Norris decides when it ends

- =) hope you liked these ones im pretty sure i made these up cuzx ive never seen them anywhere else before but if i didnt oh well there still really good