Chuck Norris Jokes (Add Your Own)

Only Chuck Norris can press Ctr+Alt+Del with one finger !

 

Chuck Norris once had sex with a model in a Director's studio in Hollywood, he finished on a stack of blank papers that a aspiring film maker named George Lucas later found and called it Star Wars.

-Josh

 

1. Chuck Norris once had a brain fart . . . that fart became known as Einstein.
2. God doesn't answer your prayers, because he is too busy praying to Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris has only cried one tear in his life. We call that tear the Great Salt Lake.

 

1. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
2. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
3. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
4. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
5. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
6. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.
7. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."
8. Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
9. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
10. Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
11. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
12. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
13. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
14. When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't wipe his butt . . . his turds respect him enough to clean up after themselves before leaving.