Funny Ha Ha

Lotto got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the local pub. He made such a racket hitting into the furniture as he weaved his way through the house, that he woke up the missus.
"What on earth are you doing down there?" she yelled down from the bedroom. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't waken the neighbours."
"I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinness up the stairs" he shouted.
"Leave it 'till the morning" she shouted down
"I can't" he said "I've drank it!"

A group of fellows always enjoyed their game of golf, but one of the boys was having trouble seeing the ball. His friends kept telling him he needed glasses. Finally, he bought himself a pair and his game improved 100%. Back in the clubroom they were talking over a few beers.
"You're playing better since you got your glasses," one said.
"You're right, I look down and the ball's as big as a basketball, just can't miss it now," he said. After a few more beers, he said. "Gotta go to the toilet, be back in a minute."
When he came back, all the front of his trousers were wet.
"Gee, what happened to you?" his mates asked.
"Don't know," he replied, "got in there, pulled it out and it looked too big for mine, so I put it back!"

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No, thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked.
"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard

The college dorm advisor heard strange noises from Jack's room, well after lights-out. He knocked on the door and said, "Mr. Jack! Are you entertaining in there?"
From behind the door, Jack answered, "Just a second -- I'll ask her!"

Enjoy