Grown up children these days

Does anyone else have grown up children who keep asking for financial help? Back a generation or two a person left home and made their own way in the world, independence was a good thing for all. I find I like my peace and quiet, to be free to live my own life now. We love our children but wish they really would just live their own lives without draining us by making us feel obliged to help them - especially when they are earning and living rather well.

Sorry to sound miserable but parents are people too and should have the opportunity to live life to the full themselves without this kind of stress. Is it best to be firm but fair, put your foot down and say 'get on with it'?

 

I'm 28 and I quit asking for financial help years ago. Whenever I asked he never hesitated. My clutch went out and he bought me one. I popped a tire and had no money for one and no spare. He got me one. I was stuck in a foreign country with no money and no way to get it. He shelled out 1600.00 to get me home. I never asked for anything that I did not need but when I was in a jam he was the one to always help me out without asking to get paid back or anything in return. Forever grateful to him for what he's done. I've payed him back over the years in labor for his business without getting a paycheck and even now, me being 28 I'll never tell him I cant do something for him unless I truly cant.

It would have been a different story if the financial help I asked for was for fun money and not an emergency. If he would have fed me money just by asking that wouldnt have only hurt him but hurt me as well. How could I grow and fail/win if I had a mentality of "my dad wil lgive it to me" instead of working for it?

We help each other out now. I restore boats as a hobby and he is building a plane. I help him rivet some wings and he helps fiberglass some boat stringers. The only help I ask him for is advice now. Sounds like it might be time to cut the cord.

 

Hi Finks,
That is good. You give as well as take.

I suppose I am referring to where it feels like we just give all the time and it gets taken for granted. There is not a lot in return in terms of gratefulness. So lately we have taken a harder line, we have to protect our future as we get older. It's all about appreciation in the end.

I am so glad things are so respectful and mutually good between you and your father.

 

there are a lot of such situations, in our country for example in russia it is normal when you are 30 and you parents continue giving you money! that is why everything depends on you morality.

 

informative and insightful, thanks for sharing your story.

 

This is a scenario which must not be seen at single view. We have to make grown up kids independent but this is not a one day process. As "Finx" said that he never asked for money but his parents were always behind him and that's why he never hesitated in taking any decision (as it seemed). This is the best approach from both side and hats off to his Dad and also to Finx. Good luck Buddy.