GUY RULES - great rule book

I found this somewhere and thought it's a nice Sunday story to share:

GUY RULES

At last here is a start and someone has taken the time to to writel down the guys' side of the story.

As we don't do much multitasking they are all numbered 1


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a Vegetable. We have no idea what the hell mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I probably will have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's sort of like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an even bigger laugh.
M

 

hilarious man

 

Having just been through a couple of pretty disasterous attempts at establishing male, female relationships I have to say that there is more than a grain of truth in some of those rules.

They are funny, but at the same time they are sad.

 

Except for this one, the others are funny. But I know many people who think they're fat and they're not. Yeah, I know I am taking a joke too seriously, but it's jokes like this that make girls anorexic.

 

C don't get this wrong (I know you may mean well) but afraid this is a typical example of what I regard as "wrong" with the "modern" society.

Mention anything and someone claims minority - offense - religion - abuse etc etc.

I'm sorry I may be old fashioned but I never implied any harm when I called a female "Darling" but now this is banned in UK offices, it can get you fired.

I do touch people (both sexes) as a friendly, encouraging gesture or simply to share success.... can't do this anymore - sexual harrasment -

If this goses on will I even talk to anyone in the future?
M

 

There is one answer that is correct to "do I look fat in this?".

The answer is "no I do not wish to have sex with you tonight".

 

ppl don't get anorexia just because someone told them they look fat... ppl are either pre-disposed or not (physiological triggers are 1000% more powerful than social).