My bed just broke

A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I were going at it like a couple of sailors hate-fucking a 2-dollar hooker that got them dishonorably discharged. I’m 6’ 6” and I was practically doing power squat thrusts to her and the bed broke. It’s a nice 4-post bed, but it only connects by little hooks on the end. Well we manage to keep going in a modified half on the broken bed half on the floor position. At one time I lift her legs in the air and my underwear is on her ankle.

Anyway after all is said and done I get the drill out and run some screws into the bed and screw it back. All is ok, except the bed squeaks when we get in it.

Cut to tonight. My girlfriend is in the closet. I jump into the bed and there’s a funny little sound. I’m sitting in bed and suddenly it collapses. The headboard falls over and hits me in the head. I just left the headboard where it’s at and moved the footboard over to the wall. The mattress and box springs are on the floor.

 

Why was your girlfriend in the closet?

Does this story have anything to do with The Village People?

 

What are you doing running around with a drill and putting your girl in a closet! and why are you 6'6.. what are you a tree or something?

 

Get a titanium bed next time

 

And maybe a titanium girlfriend. The deluxe model with a beer fridge.

 

well thats very strange
the bed did not bare the weight of you both
a disastrous end to a great experience
next time get a bed made of wrought iron
ahaha

 

Well, I'm not surprised the bed broke if there's you, your girlfriend, 2 sailors and a hooker using it.

I think that's very open-minded of you to have your girlfriend wear your underwear as well.

 

A closet is like a wardrobe. Here I tend to think of wardrobes in the sense of a cabinet. It's a small room where you put your clothes.

Is your lack of sleep from not knowing what a closet is or excitement from the story?

The conversation went kind of like this:

Me "What's my ... on your"

Her "I don't "

Me "Well get it off"

Her "take it off"

 

The suspense was building minute by minute... and then the bed broke again...

 

Unfortunately, this is when you forfeit your warranty on the bed. But, it'd be stupid if you 2 (or 5?) stopped there

 

I think that he very likely forfeited the warranty on his girlfriend right about there too...

 

So you and your girlfriend are sailors?

 

I must admit I'm confused about the whole thing too, McFox, including who all was on the bed and who all was in the closet... and why... among other questions...

 

I'm sorry if my use of a simile confused everyone. There were no sailors present.

 

Well he might be 6'6 and all that but what Hodge failed to mention is that he is fat as a baby elephant. His girlfriend is a bit on the well padded side too and it was their combined weight, not all that exciting pounding (or the two sailors, the 2 bit hooker and the chimpanzee) that broke the bed.

 

Yeah you guys caught me. I rolled over reaching for more cheetos and it broke trying to hold up my mass.

 

Erm, what is the point of the story...

To let us know that you're obviously an animal in the bedroom?

 

I'm like a Cheetah in the bedroom, baby!