OK - This cant be

I just noticed --- noppid has more positive rep then ME!

This just wont do folks. You all know noppid. He's a good guy, but MAN is he bitchy. I try to be helpful to everyone here -- How can he have more positive rep then me??

Please everyone, I humbly beg you to give me positive rep and help right this terrible injustice.

I love you all -

Sincerely, Joeychgo


(yes, im bored and trying to be funny, but please give me pos rep anyway)

 

Not another rep thread

Hey guys Shawn keeps me in my place or I would have passed him by now....


Do you guys think I should start voting against him and would he find out somehow

 

Anyone that's ever needed help with code knows the value of a click of rep in my favor!

 

Ok - I'll earn the positive rep a little...

-- and --

Keep the pos rep coming! I need a telethon!

 

Cut and paste jokes? Can you say dupe filter?

I feel sorry for that joke site, this is gonna turn out like the London Pub thread!

 

I'm homeless and hungry, I will work for rep.

 

noppid's not bitchy... compar is bitchy

noppid is funny

 

Up until this very moment I 'was' undecided as to who to vote for.

You are a true politician!

 

Woo-hoo!!!

A Vote for Minstrel is a vote for beer and noppids

 

Not a cut and paste joke...

There´s a girl who has been a wallflower all her life, thanks mainly to the rather unsightly humped back that she was born with.

She didn´t expect much from her Prom night. Would have been happy just to have enjoyed the music, the lights, the glamour...

Nobody was more surprised than she when a handsome stranger approached and asked her to dance. The handsome stranger was nearly perfect. A lovely mop of tousled hair, trendy clothes and a killer smile. Only one problem ... he only had one eye.

He put out his hand and said ´Would you care to dance?´
In delighted disbelief she she breathed ¨Would I?

He said, ´Who are you calling Wood Eye, you humpty backed bastard!

 

[ready for red rep]
Joeychgo didn't feel well so he went to the doctor, the doc was unsure so tooks some blood tests and said I will phone you in a couple of days when I get the results.

A few days pass and Joeychgo gets the phone call he has been waiting for from his doctor who says come in as I need to speak to you, "shit" Joeychgo says, it must be bad or he would have told me over the phone, god what can be wrong with me

The next day Joeychgo goes to the doctors and the doc says "sit down".
"I have some good news and some bad news, which do you want first"

"The bad news" says Joeychgo , thinking that things could only get better after that.

"Well, I am afraid the results of the blood test have shown that you have an incurable disease know as lack of green rep.

Goddamit, I knew it, I knew it, that Noppid guy has a lot to answer for!




Ok, so whats the good news? ..........
















You also have alzeimer's, so just go home and forget about it
[end red ep]

The names and diseases have been changed in this joke, just because

 

A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the same time.

As they pass each other the woman leans out the window, points and yells, “PIG! ”

The man immediately leans out his window, shakes his fist and shouts back, “WITCH!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.

 

I dunno why but I found this one SO funny. I think it's just coz Im over tired and i've gone abit delirious...

A man is in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a FOR SALE sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner, "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape."
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
So the fellow buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan). That night, they decide to ride the bike over to the girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm. "Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go. The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet. So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.
Her Mom's kinda cute. he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her...right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence!
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.
At that the father jumps up and shouts, "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

 

Funny Mella, the vaseline joke was funny, but I pissed myself at this one. it´s the little things...

 

My three favorite jokes:

#1

Danny the Hamster

The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny.

Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.

To her surprise, the children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him."

"Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."

Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."

But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."

With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"

 

#2

The Nuns

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes.

She opens the window and shouts, "GET THE FUCK OFF OUR CAR!"

 

Having been a Catholic School Boy, that's funny!

 

#3

Freudian Slips

A man arrives in his office one morning to find his colleague roaring with laughter. "What's the big joke?" the man asks.

"Well" his colleague replies, "I had a hilarious Freudian slip this morning."

"What's a Freudian slip?" asks the man.

"It's when you mean to say something, but what comes out is what is really on your mind. So, this morning I was queuing at the train station to buy a ticket from Tooting, and I noticed that the girl behind the counter had enormous breasts. When I got to the front of the queue, I asked for a return to Titting. The girl went bright red, I went bright red and the entire queue wet themselves laughing."

"Oh right" said the colleague chuckling away.

The next morning, the situation was reversed and the man arrived in the office first. He was chortling away to himself when his colleague arrived. "What's so funny?" asked the colleague.

"Well," replied he man, "I've had one of your Freudian slips."

"What happened?"

"I was sitting in the kitchen this morning, having breakfast. I looked over at my wife and instead of saying 'Pass the milk, dear', I said 'Fuck off you bitch, you've ruined my life'.

 

I'll give you guys a good rep for pr 3+ links.

 

Okay. That one gets MY vote for non sequiter of the week, mizt