SEO Jokes!

I have just found this one and wanted to share it for a good laugh. If you have good SEO jokes, share them!

 

^Wouldn't a penguin walk into that bar and drop-kick him for keyword stuffing?

 

If Google ran Heaven...

 

A SEO expert should walk into a bar to learn about patience .

 

Best Joke Ever .... LOL

 

I'm partial to this one myself:

LOL

 

I want to smack him round the face.

I don't think he knows any more than most webmasters these days!

Sure! That'll be $10,000. Please sign our no guarantee, no success, no refund disclaimer.

 

I'm glad that this SEO joke had made me and all of us smile.

Look i do have one joke...
What did the SEO do on his honeymoon?
A: He put a “nofollow” outside the door.

Matt Cutts At The End of the Bar
Matt Cutts died and went to Heaven. Standing in line, waiting to see Saint Peter, he saw a sign alongside the path that read, “This way to the Pearly Gates Bar and Grill.” Figuring he had time to kill, Matt followed the sign and soon found himself at a large, glamorous bar. There seemed to be no crowd so he went inside and sat down at the bar.

“Why so glum?” the bartender asked.

“Well, I just died,” Matt answered.

The bartender patted him on the shoulder and said, “Happens all the time. But you should be happy! You’re in line to see Saint Peter.”

“I suppose so,” Matt said. “I just wish I had died in better circumstances.”

“What happened?” the bartender asked.

“Well, I had a heart attack,” Matt told him. “I dreamed I was a fairy god-mother granting wishes for SEOs. It was shocking to see how friendly I could be with them. My heart couldn’t take the strain.”

“That’s terrible!” the bartender cried in dismay. But then he leaned in close to Matt. “You know, that guy at the other end of the bar has a worse story to tell than you.”

Matt looked down at the other end of the bar and saw Barry Schwartz sitting there. “Barry! What are you doing here?” Matt yelled.

“You don’t want to know,” Barry said.

Matt moved over to sit beside Barry. “You can tell me, man. We’re buds!”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Barry said.

But with a little gentle prodding from Matt, and another drink provided by the bartender, Barry opened up at last. “Well, I was in a plane crash,” he said.

“That’s terrible!” Matt cried. “Did it hurt much?”

“Oh, I survived,” Barry reassured him. “I swam to a deserted island and was stranded there for six months.”

“How awful,” Matt said disconsolately. “It must have been really cruel, dying alone like that.”

“Oh, no!” Barry said. “The most beautiful, intelligent woman on Earth rescued me. She took me back to her island and let me take a shower and dress in clean clothes in a house she built from the ground up with volcanic rocks and airplane parts. It was really totally awesome.”

“So then how did you die?” Matt asked.

“I don’t know what happened,” Barry told him. “One minute I was thinking I’d get to check on the SEO forums and the next minute she was screaming bloody murder and hurtling me over a cliff. I died on the rocks below, broken and crushed by the waves.”

“That’s really sad,” Matt said. “But if you were finally with a beautiful woman after being stranded all by yourself for a long time, why did you want to check the SEO forums?”

“I thought my story would be great link bait,” Barry muttered. “Besides, my wife would have killed me if I had done anything else.”

Matt nodded his head in understanding and they sat together in silence for a minute while the bartender wiped glasses behind the bar. Then suddenly the doors to the bar flew open and an angry man came storming in, throwing chairs and tables right and left.

“Hey, hey, hey!” the bartender cried in alarm. “Please don’t break up my bar! What happened?”

“You wouldn’t believe it!” the angry man yelled. “I don’t believe it! What a week! This has been the worst week of my life!”

“It can’t be that bad,” the bartender said. “These two guys just died under extremely humiliating circumstances. What happened to you?”

“Humliation?” the angry man cried. “I’ll tell you about humiliation! I spent a week listening to stuffy SEOs who don’t know a thing about the universe, waiting for the party to begin, only to come back here and find that not only has that Friesen brought the party here — HE LIKES MY JOB!”

 

I received some requests like this in the past...

 

I love how every community has inside jokes. This is great, thanks for sharing! (Keep them coming.)