Some top tips for all.

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a piss before the film starts.

RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

SOLDIERS: Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Truprint.

MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending money to yourself byRoyal Mail.

BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

JEREMY Beadle: When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.

SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

SINGLE men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

 

Now that is mean...

Hehehe

 

Yeah, isn't it. Have to laugh though.
Well, I did

 

Yeah, I got some strange looks from some of the guys in the office...

 

I cracked up here too. Tell me about the Royal Mail...

 

Well.......

Royal Mail is the national postal service in the United Kingdom. Historically, the Royal Mail was a government department, but it became a nationalised industry in 1969. The Royal Mail was responsible for the telephone service in the UK until BT was demerged in 1981.

As of 2005, Royal Mail Group plc is a public limited company with around 212,000 employees. Notwithstanding the prevailing political atmosphere in the 1980s and 1990s, which lead to the privatisation of former publicly-owned business sectors such as The Stationery Office, British Gas and British Telecom, the core of the Post Office remains in public ownership, with the company being wholly owned by the British Government.

Royal Mail remains responsible for the universal mail collection and delivery service in the UK. Letters are deposited in a pillar or wall box, or taken to a post office, but daily deliveries (not Sunday) are made to addresses throughout the UK, from Shetland to Cornwall, and the same prices are charged however remote the sender or recipient. Royal Mail also operates the national network of local post offices through Post Office Limited.

 

They also loose 10m parcels a year, which isn't that bas considering billions do make it. Henman probably reaches finals more often than Royal Mail looses parcels, percentage wise, but still... If you're one of the 10m... Or if you're 60 of the damn 10m, it;s really starting to piss you off. InterLink Express all the way!

 

Did you see that dispaches documentary about the post office the other day?

Really eye opening and a bit of a shock.

 

The BBC did an undercover story on them..it was absolutely amazing. It raised a big stink and supposedly they changed the way they do things.

They went back and did another one recently. Guess What...Nothing changed

 

Lol..posted at the same time

Heres a good article: (It was actually Channel 4)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/3673215.stm

 

That's the docu's I was referring to...

I was amazed at how they were treating some of those packages...

What's even more worrying, is that the depot they did the undercover stuff on, was the one around the corner from my place...

Edit - No it wasn't

 

Surprise surprise... I didn't watch that BTW but I could've told you

Also... Royal Mail recorded. You get a tracking number... But... Now here it comes... You can't track it until it's delivered.

Let's put this in perspective. You buy something and have it sent. Glad it comes recorded. Right? It goes astray so you track it... But guess what? No tracking until it's delivered. Wuahoo!

 

Did we have the anti-royal mail conversation the other day? This info sounds familiar...

 

I recently had a similar issue with An Post here. I had all my tracking delivery info and when I asked for proof of delivery, I got a signature from another delivery company. That local company then makes the last delivery run....Of course they don't track it.

So basically I couldn't collect because An Post considered it delivered even though it was to another delivery company.

Huh

 

Not sure... But they certainly suck a lot. And whats even worse, there are no viable alternatives for regular mail. So were stuck with them for all non-courier items.

Yfs1 probably sends out an even bigger percentage of his stuff with our friends from the Royals. How do you find them?

BTW I can add to the tips:

BANK ROBBERERS: Steal a Royal Mail van first, they are clamp and ticket exempt so you don't get delayed whilst parking outside your target bank.

 

Or a police car - GTA style...

 

Royal Mail is one of the reasons we packed in one of our otherwise profitable sites. Dealing with about 1 in 10 to 1 in 20 parcels that go missing isn't fun. Not just the expense, but dealing with irate and/or upset customers too. Plus the god-awful money drain that is SmartStamp for printing your own stamps with no way of getting money back if you've buggered up the printing out unless you have something resembling the printout that's readable... oh and NO TRACKING! The smartstamp stamps have bar codes on them... that's how they know they are real... but no, ask them where a parcel went and it's blank looks all round.

I note that one of our dropshippers we use has switched to sending stuff recorded only.

Sorry about that. Hijacking my own thread and all

 

Luckily 95% of my stuff is small enough it goes regular An Post. 1 lost package out of probably thousands and it was a US one anyway (probably customs still has it)

The other 5% goes SDS which is the package division of An Post and is a nightmare. 1 in 10 usually get lost or massively delayed.

 

That's unreal!

How do you make up for that kind of loss?

Is the insurance protection a good cover for you in these cases?

 

It seems I didn't Whilst writing my tirade, about 10 posts on that very topic appeared

Why am I replying to myself?