Sorted

Like i said, i have got views and they go both ways, just thought this was funny so had to share.



WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq
regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names
of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain,
Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries
listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list.
Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press
secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later
this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately
and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year
alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world Hell-holes and watch those government
leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to
terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt
you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the
face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France,
or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for
all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as
well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to
sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to
this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid
tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your
precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some
of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York!

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2.
Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each
other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for
a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I
will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep,
border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll
be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of
this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're
an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer
you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and
its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I
answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent
life around the world has only earned us the undying
enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time
to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World
Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a
final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might
want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

 

You've started more threads today than I have since I joined.

 

The American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world Hell-holes and watch those government
leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

--This could have been the introduction.