The Big Joke Thread

lol nice joke

 

HAHA!
Great one. Make my day

 

How can you know if a person is cute? First, he or she has a poor memory. Second - umn I forgot na!

 

very fubby....where did u get it??

 

Meh, I'm bored.

 

its funny mate LOL

 

LoL~ Who is the other hunter?

 

he-he... Blade rocks )))

 

I got these.

 

My friend claims this to be a 'joke'. I personally do not get it.

 

Waiter : What would you like Sir ?
Client : Maybe some soup ....
Waiter : We have duck flambe soup , flambe pork soup , flambe noodle soup , vegetables flambee soup ...
Client : Hold up . Why is everything flambe ?
Waiter : Because our kitchen is on fire

 

Saturday morning he got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. He hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. He cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

His loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

 

At the scene of an accident a man was crying:
O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

2nd Man:
Control urself. Don''t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

 

My friend shared this to me.

 

@sikatangpinoy

Sound corny lol is that a joke or just a mere idea?

 

UNIVERSAL TRUTHS





1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.



2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.



3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.



4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.



5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?



6. Was learning cursive really necessary?



7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.



8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.



9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.



10. Bad decisions make good stories.



11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.



12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.



13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.



14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.



15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and

run away?



16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.



17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.



18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.



19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.



20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.



21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.



22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.



23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. Come on people…honk if you believe in God, text if you want to meet Him.



24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.



25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?



26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!



27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.



28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?



29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.



30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.



31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.



32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button

from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

 

Old but still funny

 

a lady with ideas

 

Owned! lol blade is the man!

 

Ladies hostel caught fire.... It took one hour to bring the fire under control....

and three hours to bring the firemen under control....