The Big Joke Thread

How Many Women

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

 

where's the joke?

 

Yes, the thread was supposed to have a joke in it!

 

A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty.You'll need toreplace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I

need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS command

that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE(dot)COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.

Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and

ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it
goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make

of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

 

How Deep Is That Thing?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Two guys are walking thru the woods and come across this big deep hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."
"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?" "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."

 

Ladies hostel caugh fire..it took one hour to bring the under control..and three hours to bring the firemen under control..

 

Don't repeat other's jokes...

 

Lol.......!!

 

yea and it took 2 days to ban this stupid DP noob, now that's a joke.

 

When do you know that you have been online too much?
When you are driving your car, you fall off a cliff and you search desperately for the "back" button.

 

This one is good Joke.

 

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."

 

nice joke.

 

I have this joke.

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?

Son: At school.

The robot slaps the son.

Son: Ok! I watched a DVD at my mates.

Dad: Which one?

Son: Kung Fu Panda.

The robot slaps the son again.

Son: Ok! It was a Porno.

Dad: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!

The robot slaps the Dad.

Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he’s your son.

The robot slaps the mom.

 

lolzzzzzzzzzzzzz very funy

 

Nice joke.
Old People says fun is gun you agree with me discripition.

 

3 Bodies turn up at a mortuary, all with big smiles on their faces
Cop asks Coroner ' why they all smiling ?'
1st guy died while shagging his wife
2nd guy won the lottery and spent it on booze and died of alcoholic poisoning
3rd guy was unusual, Paddy from Belfast struck by lightning
'Why the fuck was he smiling ?'
'The prat thought he was having his photo taken