Top Ten List: Things SEOs Don't Want to Hear From New Clients

Funny threads: Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From New Clients from Cre8asite:>

Our last web designer went broke, but thats cool, we never paid him.
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Its not really plagiarism, is it?​

I will get the website content to you shortly.​

If you do a really good job on this website, I know heaps of other businesses who want one.​

Can we put something on the front page about asbestos compensation?​

Yes, I've written out all my content and I printed out a copy for you and put it in the post this morning.​

Actually, you know what, I think I like the orginal version better.​

We'll want you to tie your system into ours, but we can't give you access.​

We want to go with your bid, but we don't know where the money will come from yet. ​

I'm sorry I haven't got back to you for 3 months, can you re-bid?​

What is this "beta test" thing? If the site is running, it's done!​

We want splash pages! No, there can't be a "skip" link!​

 

4 more ...

I've registered a domain name, how come it is not listed in Google already?

What is web hosting?

How come it costs so much?

We want to be able to update the website ourselves, can we do it with Word?

 

I have heard this so many times

The one I personally dislike is when you email them and the call back to reply or even send you a letter reply.

 

ROLF!!!

Also...

I found these great pics on another site, let's use them!

My niece made me a logo. I love it, but can you touch it up a bit?

You left a typo on some pages.

I'm a pretty good designer too, I just don't have time to do it myself.

How come I'm not getting any sales?

 

Can you guarantee I'll be number one in Google?
I might need a few minor adjustments in a couple of weeks. Can you throw that in with the price?
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"This is ridiculous! Its been like 2 weeks!! Should we at least be on the first page for "*INSERT VERY GENERAL EXTREMELY HARD TO RANK FOR KEYPHRASE*"..!!??

Message at 7AM "I paid for a design package last night (1AM) on your website through PayPal, Is the website finished yet..?"

"Can you show one of our people how to update the site so we don't have to pay you all the time..?"

"Can we have just a few more animated images..?"

"Can we put some music in there...How about this(MIDI file of Achey Breaky Heart)"

"Looks Great! Just one more change..." (after 30 emails that started the same way)

"I wrote the copy" (the CEOs response to your recommendation to replace the poorly written copy on the site)

"My wife/husband thinks we should...." (almost always followed by some HORRIBLE idea/choice)

I don't have time for my website - it's only been 3 months, can I get a refund..?

"Can't we send a virus to our competitors or something..?" (said in a very serious tone)

We decided to discontinue our website - the internet is probably a fad anyways.

(some designer peeves in there too)

 

I do this. They can choose between me doing the update or that I teach them to do it.

For both I charge by the hour

 

Here are the photo's of the property I told you about - It shouldn't take more than a day or so to scan them all should it, then we'll chose which ones we want to go for.

Can't the navigation do something interesting like move every time you go to a different page?

I want it all in Flash. But I want to be able to update it easily. And it needs to be cheap. And I want to be #1 for "real estate"

Just one small thing - Can we change the colour of the site from blue to red? (After 10 concept images and a final template build)

I did something really good that I think you'll like - Look I wrote our keyphrase 100 times and no one can see it!

 

Hehe, a lot of these sound worryingly familiar. A couple years ago I had a client say

"now that you've finished making my website, how long will it take for delivery? "
"Um. It's ready now."
"OK, so did you send it with Fedex or UPS? And what's the tracking number"

 

The fees you are asking is very high. I have list of sites which guarantees top 10 rankings charge less than you

 

Humans will never lose the urge to want to TOUCH things!

 

Why not UPS a copy on CD / DVD for them. Give them wat they want

 

"My site looks darker on my wifes computer than on mine. Can't you make them all the same color?"

Went to visit and her monitor brightness was turned way down, his maxed out. Fixed hers and we were good to go again.

 

"I want to know everything you do, can we meet twice a week? I buy lunch!"
"I wanted to help and signed up with linkpartners and 4 other link exchange services. Check out my new directory with 2,000 links. How come I don't show up in Google anymore?"
"Can you call Google and make sure?"
"What have you done to get my site ranked? My boss wants me to know how you did it and why I couldn't get it done myself."

Needless to say, my cell number only gets given to a few clients (the 20% which are great!)

 

________LOL______

First rule of being a consultant has to be learning to manage expectations...

 

Heh. Thank goodness clients can't see the faces we make on the other end of the phone.

 

Josh has probably 100 lines like that since he does sales lol

 

So true.

 

I got 10,000 people on my website, but I don;t care. I got no sales. Refund me all my money ASAP.

 

"What you mean I need a redesign? One of 1,000 visitors is interested in my services. I don't care if they cannot find the sign-up form. People shouldn't be so stupid. I need more traffic."