Your horoscope by Adam Sandler

Horoscopes by Adam Sandler

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and wont be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.

A member on one of my forums posted it, funny stuff. Figured it was worth spreading.

 

Wow, after reading all of them being an Aquarius isn't so bad after all

 

This wasn't written by adam sandler. It's been around for years. I have a copy of it somewhere in my astrology stuff.

 

OoOps :/ Who was the author?

 

I don't know. My dad brought a copy of it home one day from work - this was when he worked at Pan Am in Miami - so that should give you a rough idea of how old it is. There was no auther listed - just the horrorscopes.

 

funny horoscopes hahaha

 

Righ, thats it.

Im changing my star sigh. Who do i contact?

 

That is really funny. It is a weird reading. lol ('',)

 

omg its completely spot on!

 

oh man......im so depressed now...lol

 

Is that why you took all your porn, gambling, hate website links out your sig. lol.

Look on the bright side "you shall achieve the pinnace of success"

Its not all bad

 

I'm sure I read that at theonion.com or somewhere similar about four years ago.

 

Me and devangel are gonna get murdered :O

 

Nothing seems to be going well for libra

 

oh we're soooooo dead....

 

thanks man! really usefull

 

Yea they are old, but reading them again made me laugh!

 

same here kizp07...just read these off to my employees, most of them never heard of these! lol

i'm a leo...pretty much nailed it

 

Dear mdvaldosta

i read your 12 sign information i am very impress. and i want that you riles new 12 sing information quickly. so i am waiting for you.

thank you so much
Ravi Singh

 

i hope your Scorpion